Leaving an abusive relationship is a very long and difficult process. This is made difficult for a range of reasons. If someone is experiencing domestic violence, they may:
- feel frightened and uncertain about what the future will hold
- feel frightened for the children
- feel it is in the children’s best interests to stay in the family home
- feel ashamed and reluctant to tell or seek help
- have such low confidence and self esteem that making decisions is a confusing and difficult task
- be isolated from family and friends and feel they have no one to turn to
- be worried about financial security if they leave
- not have information on services available
- have received a negative response, when they reached out to someone for support in the past
- be too exhausted to take on any life changes or major decisions
- still have feelings of love for their partner and fond memories of how things used to be
- hope and believe that things will get better
It is important to remember, leaving is a process and not an event. Society has a responsibility to support women who make that difficult decision. All agencies can play a role in providing support during a woman and children’s help seeking process. A positive initial response is crucial. Women and children need to be believed, supported and encouraged to take positive steps for their own safety and well being.
Unfortunately leaving does not always stop the violence and many women are still exposed to abuse when they leave the relationship. Research has shown that women can be at higher risk during this time. The British Crime Survey found that 37% of women studied who had left their abusive partner reported that the violence continued. Research by Lees (2000) highlighted that women are at greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner.